I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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