Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
