Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
