we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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