I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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