mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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