Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
