he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
