omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
