Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
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...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
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I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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