I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
