ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
what day is it and did you see me today?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
