i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
