you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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