Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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