Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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