i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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