I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
