he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
