So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
