I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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