i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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