A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
