he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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