You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
