I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
