Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
