Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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