Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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