he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize