Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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