Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
