he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
