i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
