my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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