You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
