how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
