so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
