3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
