Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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