i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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