Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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