When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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