someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's never too late to be topless.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
