is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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