So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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