I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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