every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
