it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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