Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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