Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
