She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
