This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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