If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
