shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
