Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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