She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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