i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
