I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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