Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
