Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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