She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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