we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
