plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
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