he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize