Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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