walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
