I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
