new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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