I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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