The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sext me about skeletons
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
