i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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