i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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