in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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