Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
