Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
