good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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